BY SILDA NEZA
It is safe to say that quarantine has not been ideal. The idea of being “socially distant” has been difficult for the majority of us, including myself. In order to stay occupied I’ve found myself scrolling through Amazon, Netflix, Hulu, etc. constantly trying to find something new to watch. There’s been a lot that I’ve absolutely adored, and some that I could barely watch the first time, let alone a second. As I searched Amazon I stumbled across the movie Call Me By Your Name, a film I always told myself I would watch but put it off because the trailer and description didn’t quite make sense to me. I didn’t understand the significance of the movie and what message it was trying to relay to viewers. Quarantine was the push I needed to make myself watch it, I mean what else did I have to do?
Call Me By Your Name is about a 17 year old boy named Elio who lives in an Italian summer house with his parents and each year a new grad student arrives to intern for Elios father. This year’s grad student happens to be 24 year old Oliver, whose seemingly arrogant manner makes Elio interested in him. They begin as awkward acquaintances until slowly but surely their friendship blossoms into a romantic relationship. Initially, I was lost throughout the entire thing and only remotely understood the ending. I just assumed it was because the movie was bad and that I was confused the entire time, but I noticed the movie lingering in my mind the next few days. I felt like I truly didn’t give it a chance and was missing some great message that was making everyone else love it. With this in mind, I rented the movie for a second time. I turned my phone on silent, put it down and tried to soak everything in. This was when Call Me By Your Name became a film I bought, to have forever.
One could call it a “love story” between Elio and Oliver, but I see it as so much more. It shows the importance of finding someone who you can bounce off of and learn from, accepting you for who you are yet allowing you to grow and improve. Elio and Oliver are able to take the parts of each other that they love and instill it in themselves, leaving that summer with a piece of one another. It also displays the idea of a physical relationship versus an emotional one. Elio has sex with one of his girl friends and although he enjoys it, which ultimately confuses him on his sexuality, there is little substance to their exchanges. Elio and Oliver’s connection turns into love but does not begin as physical. They are able to carry intellectual conversations with underlying emotions that become obvious as the movie progresses. We are able to see and feel, as viewers, the awkward, the captivation, and the sadness. You feel as though you are with Elio through it all, which makes the story sit with you longer than other movies I have watched.
This part has spoilers but honestly I would read it regardless because knowing the end, although important, prior to watching will not take away from the movie.
The end has some of my favorite parts and if you don’t read this now, finish the film, come back, and read it. Oliver leaving to get married to a woman baffled me. I struggled to accept that as the end of Oliver and Elio. It seemed wrong. It felt as though he was going to miss out on an epic love, succumbing to societal norms and the pressure surrounding him. I now understand, he was doing what was expected of him. It was either his family, or Elio. Oliver chose his family's approval, something Elio doesn’t have to struggle with due to his accepting parents. A sad truth but understandable nonetheless. My, by far, FAVORITE part of the movie is Elio’s dad's monologue. After Oliver's departure, Elios dad sees his son's heartache and shares his opinion:
“In your place, if there is pain, nurse it. And if there is a flame, don’t snuff it out. Don’t be brutal with it. We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster, that we go bankrupt by the age of thirty and have less to offer each time we start with someone new. But to make yourself feel nothing so as not to feel anything ― what a waste! “
He expresses how important it is for his son to appreciate the once in a lifetime love that he was lucky enough to experience, and reveals he's been close but has never fully felt it. Rather than putting Elio down for feeling this way about a man, he praises the connection they had and doesn’t want Elio to try and push the feelings aside. I resonated with the meaning of going bankrupt by thirty because I feel as each time we love someone new we give them a little bit less of ourselves than we did with the person before them. They always say your first heartbreak is the hardest and this idea proves it true.
Call Me By Your Name gives so much as long as you are open to the idea of taking it and watching it as something more than a film. It takes watching it more than once to understand every aspect of the movie and the hidden meaning behind actions or words. These meanings are ever changing as well and each time I watch, I find myself interpreting something differently. The setting, the music, the cinematography, the actors/actresses, etc. I even listen to the soundtrack while doing random things throughout the day. It is all set up so perfectly and makes it such a gorgeous cinematic piece. Truly a must watch with a meaning much deeper than many romantic films in theaters today. It changed my outlook on love and what I expect out of a relationship, as well as life in general in regards to my worth and what I have to give. I only hope it can do the same for you.
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